Ben Cousins is a footballer who plays in the AFL. I am not a fan of his, I don’t know much about him and all I could really tell you about him is the fact that he has been on our news constantly, and constantly being slammed for being an elite athlete who has had a very public battle with drug addiction. There has been a lot of hype in Melbourne of late with a documentary that Ben made about himself and his addiction.
The Husband flatly refused to watch it and told me that he despised this man and could not bring himself to watch it. It didn’t interest him whatsoever. I, on the other hand was curious. I wanted to see what this was all about and I am a fan of anything “reality”. I like to see “real” things about “real people”.
The documentary was screened in 2 parts. So I initially watched Part 1 and my judgments were based solely on watching that. I wrote a very long blog entry initially slamming Ben Cousins and basing my opinion on that alone. This afternoon though I watched Part 2 or the conclusion and my entire opinion of him and this documentary has changed.
So here we go, I went into watching this documentary with the only information being that Ben was a well-known footballer and that he was and in a sense always will be a drug addict. I wanted to see how dyslexic his situation was. When I say dyslexic I mean it as in an athlete being a drug addict is sort of contradictory. I know that there are many athletes who take all sorts of drugs from the recreational to the pharmaceutical to performance enhancing drugs but they (not to my knowledge) haven’t exactly come out and said that they are addicts.
My observation was that here was an elite athlete, with an amazing body, who was supposedly a great footballer who took and abused drugs yet still played the game and played it well. It was clear that his drug taking and addiction did not interfere with his job. His job being football.
Part 1 left me feeling surprised and saddened. What surprised me the most was the fact that Ben really showed no real remorse. In fact our media seem to be reporting this exact same thing as their headline news. Where was the remorse? He also came across rather arrogant, self-obsessed and self-absorbed. I was left feeling as if his attitude was “This is my story and I make no apologies”. I saw no real substance in making this documentary. It was just Ben Cousins telling us the viewer his story.
It then showed Ben doing his drugs and twitching spasmodically (which was awful to see) yet he, Ben, came across very nonchalant about the whole thing. I sadly felt no attachment to him and I tried ever so hard to warm towards him, to sympathize, to try and feel and understand what had made him become addicted and I tried to work out what drove his addiction but sadly all I could see coming back from the TV was a smug young man who told his story whilst smirking at the camera, like this was all some wonderful silly little joke that he was letting us in on!
It was almost like he was subliminally suggesting that you too could do drugs, be an athlete and get away with it. Maybe Ben believes that this attitude is OK and each to his own but is that a good message to be putting out there? Let’s think about this a little bit. Lets just say I had a son who idolized Ben Cousins and he watched this documentary the message my son would have gotten would have been – “Do drugs because it makes you cool and just don’t take them the day before or on the day of a game and you will be fine, look at me I got away with it”
Now I could be wrong about how I have interpreted Ben and I tried to take on a different perspective or angle but I couldn't make excuses for something that appeared so clear on the TV screen. He was almost blatantly showing off his drug addiction and the fact that he believes he got away with it. The reality though is that he didn't get away with it because constantly being harassed and stalked by the media and being fired from one football club and being suspended from the league for 12 months is not exactly getting away with it, now is it?
The documentary was approved and OK’d by Ben Cousins yet it almost viewed as if some tabloid type of producer had put it together and wanted to paint a negative picture of this athlete. That’s what was so weird about it. There was not one real “positive” message in it whatsoever. If they were to make a documentary about you and your life would there not be anything “good” about you in it?
The doco was very revealing as it showed Ben smoking amphetamines out of a crack pipe, snorting massive amounts of cocaine, and it sort of left me feeling uncomfortable if I may be honest. I thought it was too "in your face" for national TV. Maybe I was naive and thought that it would not be as graphic and revealing as it was. Maybe this was done deliberately to shock and entice the viewer?
I understand that drug addiction is a selfish act and from what I understand when an addict is injecting/smoking/snorting/taking a drug they aren’t thinking about their families they are one path and that path is to get high, get their fix, feel numb whatever, its all about THEM. I understand that drug addiction has a lot to do with numbing or forgetting your demons but I am left questioning what sort of demons this young man could possibly have. His family when interviewed seemed like such a beautiful, supportive, loving people who genuinely cared and loved their son and brother. It seems like this young man had copious amount of money thrown at him at a very young age, had beautiful girls hanging around vying for his attention, had fast cars, basically all that money could buy him, all the material possessions one would want. So why did he chase drugs? Why did he jeopardize his career, livelihood and life and everything else for drugs? I don't get it!
Then after watching Part 2 everything changed for me. I initially went into this part feeling anger towards him, hating him and feeling negative. Part 2 though had more heart, feelings and substance behind it. It spoke more to his family and we got to hear what they as a family were going through. The struggles, the issues, and the problems they had with their son. You see I initially thought that Ben was setting himself up for MORE negative press, more hate and more barrage from the media and this documentary was going to be what truly ruined his career and his reputation for life. I thought he was a fool who thought that any publicity was good publicity but just make sure you spell my name right attitude!
What I saw was a vulnerable little boy (even though I believe he is a 30 year old man) who came across as an arrogant shit but strip away the barriers and he was and is just like you and me. An everyday person who is fighting his demons albeit fighting them publicly. This little boy has a massive cross to bear and sadly its been done in the public eye. I actually shed a tear for him. It made me realize that he had everything money could buy yet something inside his head just wasn’t right. He turned to drugs to numb the demons.
I sincerely worry about him. He may have shaken the drugs off but once you become an addict to anything you always will be an addict. You may not be using drugs, you may be clean but the urge will always be there and that is his daily battle. I honestly believe that he is now a “Clean Addict” but an addict he is if that make any sense.
I hope to God that he finds the inner peace that he so needs and I hope from the bottom of my heart that one day and one day soon he is happy within.
DH
xoxo
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