Visiting Junee, NSW.

It’s been a couple of days since I have blogged but there is a good reason as to why. It’s been an extremely long, tiresome and stressful year thus far. It’s been a year filled with some ups and a lot of downs. We have been hit with a few things that have hurt us, we have been hit with a few deaths in my family and we have both being working harder in our jobs than we ever have. I’m sounding like some pathetic whiney person but that is not my intention and that is not where I am heading with this blog entry.

My point is The Husband and I are extremely over worked, over tired, slightly disconnected from one another and needing a break and desperately needing to reconnect with one another. The way we reconnect is to basically organise some time off work, throw a few things in our suitcase and hit the open road.

We woke up bright and early on Friday morning and escaped Melbourne for an amazing couple of days with nothing but the open road in front of us and some maps. We decided to go to Wagga Wagga and Junee. We had an amazing time talking about our life together and seeing and exploring a very quiet little country town called Junee.

I fell in love with Junee much to everyone’s amazement. I think I heard at least 10 times “Junee? Junee? Why on earth would you want to visit that place?” I kept telling everyone that I was really excited about visiting this town, as there was so much history there. I love my country and I love nothing more than exploring tiny off the beaten track towns and researching the area and seeing the sites.

We started off by driving around this little town and we finally found the Information and visitor Centre. We spoke to a lovely local who gave us some information and recommendations on what we should see and do. We began at The Green Grove Organic Liquorice Centre and the second I looked at the building my heart just melted. The factory used to be an old flourmill that had been turned into a liquorice factory. It had to be the most gorgeous looking old building you could ever imagine and it was breathtaking. We bought a heap of liquorice and then sat down in the café and had a yummy cup of coffee and it was lovely to just sit there, talk with my husband and just totally relax.

I have not felt this relaxed for over a year and I just felt so amazing as all my stresses just flew off my shoulders. I kept staring at The Husband as he drove us around and gushed with nothing but love for him. I had love just coming out of my pores. He too looked very relaxed and I felt as if I had my husband back.

From the Liquorice Factory we headed over to the Junee Railway Station, which was the most beautiful, and breathtaking train station that I have seen in many, many years. Very early 1800’s architecture and just so beautiful. The Husband and I sat down for lunch in their cafeteria and I felt as if I was back in the 1800’s. It amazes me how these old towns have preserved their beautiful buildings like they should be.

We then spent time at The Monte Cristo homestead that claimed to be Australia’s most haunted building. We paid a lot of money to view this grand old home and yes it was beautiful but I would never recommend this tourist attraction to anyone. I found the owners of the home to be rude and not welcoming whatsoever. If you are planning to go visit then my recommendation would be not to! Regardless The Husband and I had a lovely relaxing stroll through their gardens.

Next stop was The Broadway museum, which used to be a pub, many, many years ago and has been converted to a museum. We had one of the workers walk around with us and tell us stories and tales about the area of Junee along with the all the history that she knew about the town. It was an amazing holiday and now we have been hit with the reality that we now have to wait another 12 months before we can hit the open road again and escape the madness of our lives!

If you are planning a holiday to NSW and have the time I highly recommend that you visit Junee. It is truly a wonderful old little town and its almost as if time has sort of stood still.

DH

xoxo

My weird relationship with zip lock bags.

Whilst tidying the kitchen up tonight I realised that I have a rather loving yet bizarre relationship with zip lock bags!

I don’t know what it is nor do I know why it is but I love nothing more than putting things in zip lock bags. I am so satisfied as soon as I zip the bag up. I almost get off on it or high off that feeling. I am the same at work I love nothing more than zip locking little items that need to be couriered out of the building into zip lock bags.

It’s become my little sick obsession. Well at least my relationship come obsession is not hurting anyone. Maybe, just ever so slightly, annoying the living hell out of The Husband. He is convinced that I must have been a drug dealer in one of my many past lives. Why a drug dealer? Because drug dealers tend to either wrap the drugs they are selling in foil or zip lock bags!

I looked at my pantry and snickered to myself as I had placed all my opened goods into zip lock bags but felt ever so satisfied with myself. I would love nothing more than to live in a world where everything was zip locked! You must all think I’m losing my mind and I think I might be. If I ever end up on the streets homeless you will see me and my belongings all wrapped in zip lock bags!

DH

xoxo

I've been promoted to painter?!@#?

It was a busy Monday like it always is everywhere and for everyone but today had me laughing and chuckling to myself. I was swamped with a desk pile high full of paperwork and my boss popped out of his office to ask me why I hadn’t painted the wall yet. At first I chuckled thinking he was joking but his face wasn’t indicating joking or laughter. He stated that he had left the can of paint near my desk on Wednesday, as he wanted me to paint the wall behind me. My initial reaction was sheer and utter disbelief and then I got very angry but internalised it.I told him that how was I supposed to know what he wanted me to do if he hadn’t told me. I think he said that he had told me but for the life of me I couldn’t remember having this conversation nor recalling being asked to paint.

Does being a painter fit my job description? The answer to that would be NO. I didn’t know whether I should hurl some verbal abuse at him and walk out, or to continue arguing with him or whether I should just paint. I decided that I would just paint the blasted wall and make the most of it.

I was in mood for an argument and by the looks of things he seemed to be in a mood that wanted an argument. I felt like he was baiting me all day long and knowing my boss the way I do he has this tendency of throwing his emotional bullshit onto me and expecting me to take it and to bite back and have an argument. For once though I thought to myself “You know what DH? You need not argue with him, if this is what he wants you to do then just do it” and that’s is exactly what I did.

I climbed the ladder grabbed the paint tin and brush and painted the wall as he requested me to. I giggled whilst I did it as I found this request totally bizarre and left of centre and if I didn’t laugh I think I would have tipped the entire contents of the paint onto his head!

I am the only worker in our building that is expected to do everything and this just proves my point. I could ring my union and put a complaint in but there is no point, there really and truly is no point. I am just going to keep doing as I am told until the right time comes when I can walk away.

Even now as I sit and write this entry I am chuckling to myself at what a bizarre request was made! So if anyone needs any painting done just drop me an email. I need the extra cash and I apparently did a great job!

DH

xoxo

I don’t like lazy Sundays as they lead to destruction!

The Husband and I had a million things to do but the poor thing has been up all night with some sort of gastro bug! I went in to our room this morning to wake him and see how he was feeling and to sort of motivate him to get up and try and ride through the discomfort.

We ended up getting into a little argument as he feels that I do not show him enough empathy. He doesn’t realise though that I am trying to be strong and positive and to try and encourage him to override the yukkiness of feeling sick.

I walked out of bedroom and sat in our lounge room fighting the tears away. I’m crushed that he thinks that I do not show him enough empathy when he is sick. Today’s argument made me look like I was some sort of selfish narcissistic cow and that I am not. I never have been and I never will be. I always, always put other people’s needs and wants before my own and that has always been a detriment to me yet I always think of others. So to be told I was not showing any empathy has sort of left me crushed emotionally.

I guess my parents have raised me to try and be strong and not let colds and flu’s and ailments slow you down. I guess though that my Husband doesn’t see what I am trying to do. When I am sick I take rest periods but I still continue with housework or whatever else needs my attention. I am no martyr but nothing slows me down. I wont allow things to slow me down. I push and push myself.

I’m saddened that I have upset him, as that was not my purpose; I love him too much to be a bitch towards him. I am upset that he doesn’t remember how sick I was the first time I met his family, it was his Fathers 70^th birthday and I was so sick and had overdosed on pain relief and antihistamines that I was stoned but I rode it through. I guess we are made differently!

But anyways we stayed in all day and I cleaned the house whilst he nursed his head, stomach and bum! I want my husband to get back to his perky self and that’s my main and top priority but me being this bored only leads to danger and destruction. When I am bored I will find things to clean, or rearrange furniture, or clean out wardrobes. I cannot sit still.

So with that I thing my underwear drawer needs to be rearranged and colour coordinated!

DH

xoxo

Drama in the middle of suburbia!

After a day of sheer joy and jubilation I went off to bed at midnight and snuggled into the most beautiful sleep. My entire mind and body were so tired and drained that sleep literally came before my head even hit the pillow. At 2.34am I heard an almighty bang that actually jolted me out of bed. For a split second I thought that an earthquake was coming and I was thinking it’s the aftershock from New Zealand!

I jumped out of bed I stood on the side of the bed frozen for a minute trying to feel if the earth was moving. I looked for The Husband but he wasn’t in bed with me I then looked out my bedroom window and saw a huge fire and then 2 huge fire trucks park in front of our home.

I was still half asleep and trying to force myself awake to try and take control of the situation. When I say control I mean it as in do I need to grab the dog and some shoes, find The Husband and run out of our house, or are we all safe indoors.

I raced into the lounge room and The Husband was sound asleep and unaware of anything going on outdoors. Trying to wake him was impossible! I shook him and shook him but I could not rouse him out of his deep sleep so I resorted to punching him very hard on the leg. I calmly stated that he had to wake up, as there was a huge fire outside the front of our house and garden and there were fire trucks, we needed to wake up and access our evacuation plan.

The poor Husband was in such a deep sleep all due to a few glasses of wine and I could see the utter confusion in his eyes and he trying to comprehend why I was punching him and what was coming out of my mouth. He finally awoke and we raced out the front and we saw an obvious stolen car that had been dumped and then set alight. It was such a shock to see a burning car in the middle of suburbia. The entire neighbourhood was up and staring in sort of a voyeuristic shock. We all knew that we should have gone back into the safety of our homes yet we all couldn’t pull ourselves away from the scene and what our eyes were seeing.

This is cruel but my neighbours across the road and I were busy clicking away and taking photos. I then felt a wave of guilt for taking photos at another person’s misfortune so I slipped my iphone into my robe pocket. What have we as humans become where we all take photos at another’s misfortune?

But back to what I was trying to say. From 2.34am until about 6.30am we had the street cornered off by police cars, we had a police or forensic photographer taking photos, we then had a huge police tow truck come along and take the car away.

It was amazing the drama we had in the middle of suburbia! Our day today has seen both The Husband and I trying to catch up on sleep! Lets hope that this is the last of drama we have for a while and our street can get back to normality!

DH

xoxo

An appointment with the scary Bank Manager!

Well we missed out on the house of our dreams but you know I am ok with it. I should add the word finally though! I was so sad and really felt just sheer deflation but after many, many hours of chatting with The Husband we have come up with a better and new solution.

So we have the money all sorted from the bank and now its time for major renovations in our home! I am chuffed and really, really excited to be making plans for this home. Sadly our creepy neighbour is still harassing the local council to build and it will affect us but then I figure if he can build a huge house in his backyard then who can stop The Husband and I from adding an extra storey on our home?

I must say though it was such a stressful morning though as The Husband and I had to race to the bank and do a lot of arse kissing and grovelling and say, “pretty please can we have some money?” It was scary and I think I was almost ready to vomit on the poor manager’s desk out of sheer nerves and anxiety.

I was so scared of banks and bank managers. I almost have anxiety attacks when I step into a bank even when I do the banking for work on the odd occasion I literally hold my breath in sheer and utter terror. This morning whilst The Husband was having a cigarette before we went into the bank I stood almost frozen on the spot outside. I found myself holding my breath again and feeling so very light headed and ready to pass out.

As soon as we sat down in the waiting area I started to actually relax a little bit and then we met our bank managers Liz and Alan. They guided us into their little office and as soon as they shut the door I started to feel claustrophobic. I wanted to just turn around and run and not stop running nor look back!

Our bank managers were lovely though! I could not have asked for better people to look after us. They were both so patient and understanding and they actually heard us out. Liz especially could tell that there were times when I was a tad (that’s such a lie as it wasn’t a tad) confused, unsure and perplexed. She took her time and made sure both of us understood her and her banking jargon. What I loved the most was that Liz & Alan were looking out for OUR best interests!

They didn’t want to lend us hundreds of thousands yet they wanted to help us succeed and get ahead in life. The Husband and I have so many setbacks in our lives and I think they could sense that.

We were given a break for once in our lives and for that I am forever grateful to them both. I was always wary of banks in general but after today my opinion has totally changed.I cant wait to finally see the money in our bank account and start to really re-do our home! I think I need to dance around the house a little bit! Its been such a long time since I have truly been this happy, in fact the last time I was this ecstatic was on my wedding day!

I love life and like they say everything happen for a reason! One door opens and another closes! And without a doubt Bank Managers aren’t that scary!

DH

xoxo

Dealing with the leeches

God Lord in Heaven what a hard few days The Husband and I have had with relation to dealing with the leeches. I call them leeches but they are commonly known as Real Estate Agents.

As my previous post explained The Husband and I found our dream home and fell in love with it instantly. That was on Sunday. Since Sunday we have literally been hounded and pestered via email and phone calls from the said leeches.

We had Section 32’s emailed to us; we had calls, calls, and more calls and then email after email after email. I have never felt so hounded and stalked. I had the day off work yesterday and spent the entire day trying to deal with them all whilst nursing the worst stress headache known to man.

We only viewed this home on Sunday and we were initially just driving past to take a look at the area, we only by sheer fluke found that this home was open for viewing. To say I have been turned off by this whole experience would definitely be the understatement of the year!

The Husband eventually put an offer on the property after 24 hours of being circled and corned by the leeches and he was basically told that they had a higher offer and see ya later. When I heard the news my gut just sank. My heart was so set on this home and I wanted it and imagined spending the rest of my life there.

I had researched all the amenities and even went to take another look at it yesterday from the outside not once but twice. I had planned where all our furniture would go and The Husband had even found some bookshelves online that he wanted me to look at.
Something just told the both of us that this house was going to be our next home. I was so excited and so looking forward to the next adventure and chapter in our lives.

Since we got the news that our offer was too low I have hardly slept, hardly eaten and I have come to work again with this stress headache. I am gutted, I am disappointed and I’m very teary. I sat in my office deflated.

I know that you don’t always get what you want but I have always been very focused and driven when it comes to what I want. What I want I get. I become extremely tunnel visioned and focused when I want and I strive to reach it.

I don’t believe that life is meant to hard. I believe that if you want something in life you go get it. This has sort of been the first time that my determination and drive haven’t gotten me to where I need to be.

I understand that everything happens for a reason and like The Husband told me last night as he hugged me close, you can’t mourn something that you didn’t have to begin with. Quite the philosopher aint he? He is so true and I just have to get back to my positive, strong, determined, happy self and see what the future holds for us.

I end with this: Never deal with a Real Estate Agent they are slimier and shiftier than a Car Salesperson! Very crooked people and a profession that I once held a lot of respect for but not anymore!

I think we have found our dream home!

Yes its been a few days but I have been so highly strung as so much is going on in my life at the moment.

Where do I begin? Okay, The Husband and I live in a pretty posh “old money” type of neighbourhood. Sadly our home is not exactly posh I would say its just an everyday average home with absolutely nothing spectacular to it but its our home. I decorated this house with so much love and passion and turned it from a house into our home. We both love this area and the fact that we have everything close to us but alas I am not happy in here anymore.

We are having serious issues with one of neighbours who wants to build another townhouse in his backyard and we initially objected to the matter. Our cries for justice were heard and he was told by our local council that the matter was rejected and the issue was done and dusted. Or so we thought and believed!

We received a letter from his representatives telling us that they were applying again and he was going to be taking the matter further. To cut a very long and tedious story short The Husband and I need to write further letters to VCAT explaining why we object and we may need to go to mediation and or a court hearing.

When I heard the news I was ready to burst into tears and felt so deflated and angry. I have lived in my home for over 10 years and now I was almost being bullied out of here all because some demanding neighbour is not giving up.

So The Husband and I sat down and decided that we would fight this yet I am so deflated that I almost feel like giving up. I spoke to The Husband and told him that I was over this neighbourhood and I wanted out. I expressed a few other concerns and told my lovely man that I was not happy in our home anymore.

We went online and found a few houses that we liked the look of and on Sunday we went out for a drive. We drove past the first house and both of us let out a YUK then moved onto the second one. By some fluke the house was open for inspection and we were lucky enough to go into the home and take a look around.

I was gob smacked and fell in love instantly. I whispered to The Husband that this was it. I wanted this house. The reaction I got from him was one that I was not expecting. He told me that he too loved it and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together in it. Well I almost burst into tears as we actually agreed on everything about the house.

We told the estate agent that we liked the home very much but it was early days for us as we hadn’t even spoken to our bank nor had we discussed what we were going to do with our current home! They took our details and for the past 48 hours they have hounded us to make an offer as the house needs to be sold immediately and they must present all offers to the current owners by tomorrow night at 6.30pm.

I, in the meantime have arranged an appointment with our bank for this Friday morning and on the hour almost every hour we are receiving telephone calls and emails from the real estate agents.

I am filled with anxiety and stress and worry yet I have this weird feeling of assurance underneath. Its strange I have a wave of fear, anxiety and worry that we are going to miss out on this home and the bank is not going to give us the money we need and require and then something tells me its all going to be ok.

This is going to be a hard stressful week and I just hope come Friday that I have nothing but good news for us.

Please readers, if I have any (LOL), please say a little prayer for us and here’s hoping that The Husband and mine dreams come true!

DH

xoxo

Sleeping Beauty

I haven’t blogged for a few days, as I have been so busy with work that I am coming home and rushing on the sofa or straight into bed out of sheer and utter exhaustion. I know I whinge a lot about fatigue and tiredness but this is something else.

I have never been as tired as I am to the point that I cant keep my eyes open and I am nodding off at my work desk. During my supposed 1-hour lunch break I am resting my head on the kitchen table and trying to catch up on some zzz’s.

I even try reading in bed or sitting up and reading in our lounge room so that I can force myself awake but I’m hitting a brick wall because as soon as I place a blanket on me I’m down for the count.

As for my body I feel like I am an old woman of 90 at the moment. Everything hurts and I am noticing that I am dragging my feet around the office and around home.

Could I be coming down with another cold? Who knows! All I know is that I am sick and tired of feeling so sick and tired and I am saddened that it is affecting me emotionally. The poor husband wants a bit of adult fun and I cannot find the strength or the motivation. God help me! I’m worried about The Husband, as I don’t want him thinking that there is something wrong between us as I am avoiding intimacy. I’m petrified of him thinking there may be something wrong between us.

Its also frustrating to be constantly waking up tired. This is no way to live and I think I need to go and see my doctor.

With that I think a 30 minute power nap may just help me albeit slightly.

DH

xoxo

Tabatha Coffey and her wonderful show Tabatha’s Salon Takeover!

For those of you unfamiliar with Tabatha she is a famous hairdresser who initially appeared on TV on an American Show called Sheer Genius and then appeared and appears on her current TV show called Tabatha’s Salon Takeover.

From what I know Tabatha, she is an Aussie chick who has been hairdressing for many, many years and is now earning an amazing reputation for her hairdressing expertise in the USA.

I initially saw Tabatha in Sheer Genius and just loved her. I loved the way she cut hair and I loved her strong woman attitude. I truly admire strong women and I try to be a strong woman myself. She tends to not sugar coat or bullshit the reality and says it how it is. How can you not respect that?

Each and every week I tape her current show Tabatha's Salon Takeover and when I have a spare hour (I have no kids hence why I have the occasional spare hour) and no husband around. I sit down on my comfy sofa and watch her show and watch her dish out the reality to hairdressing salons that are not doing so well. I love, love, love the way she tells hair salon owners to find their passion in the industry and find the drive that they have lost. She tries so hard to help salon owners turn their businesses around.

Tabatha also educates all over the world and that is so obvious as on her TV show as she shows amazing patience when she demonstrates and shows hairdressers their errors and shows them and suggests ways to better themselves. I personally would not have the patience she has, regardless of whether I was being filmed for TV or not. I would be screaming at them and telling them to wake the fuck up!

I admire that she has devoted herself to her art of hairdressing I wish I could be devoted and dedicated to my job. I wish! Its obvious that Tabatha loves what she does and she is good at it. No BRILLIANT! I wish I had an ounce of talent like she does. I love people that are creative as well. I have some amazing creativity in my brain but no matter how much I try I cant seem to get my hands to do what I can see in my brain. My brother is very creative and I admire him so much, so obviously he was granted the creativity gene whilst I got the organizational gene!

I digress, think about this for a second Tabatha loves her job, she gets to travel the world educating people, she does celebrities hair, she writes for major magazine publications, what a life!

I have to admit I have become a Tabatha groupie and I recently became a fan of hers on Facebook. I, being bold and brassy as I am, posted her a message on her Facebook wall and this morning when I got to work I saw that she had personally responded and replied! You should have heard me scream with absolute delight! I was and still am so chuffed! I still can’t believe that she took the time out of her busy life to thank me! Thank ME personally!

So I say this with my hand on heart and I say it loudly and proudly I am a Tabatha Coffey Groupie and I am ever so proud of the fact!

DH

xoxo

What’s with these Croc shoes?

The Croc shoe phenomena hit us a few years back and every man and his dog were out buying them. I admit that I too purchased a pair and found them to be the most ugly, uncomfortable, slippery, smelly shoes!

I think I wore them a handful of times around my home and then offered them to my mum. I thought that she would take one look at them and go YUK instead she has worn them and she loves them. I question her time and time again as to why she loves them so much and she always states that for her they are comfortable. I gasp in horror as I thought my mum had more pizazz than that and I learnt my fashion sense from her. Am I going to end up like her in 30 years time? Oh Lord above NO!!!!

Today I saw a man wearing them with socks and I looked at him and his feet and thought “What on earth possessed you to wear these shoes with socks out in public?” I think they have to be the most ugly things every created! My brother in law is a fan of them as well and when he has walked past me wearing them I seriously want to scream at him: “What the fuck are those??” But being that Nick is a very sensitive man who feels very intimidated by me I choose not to say anything. I mean think about it, I intimidate the guy by me asking him (or screaming) at him I think he may cower in the corner and cry and rock in the foetal position.

If I am offending anyone who owns them, wears them, and likes them then I apologise profusely for dissing these things they call shoes, but would love to hear as to why YOU wear them. I can’t see any real function to them and in my eyes they are a health hazard! I say health hazard as I personally found them so slippery and experiencing slipping and sliding so much that I ended up on my arse!

DH

xoxo

I am unhappy with my workplace!

Today I had the day off work and it was so well deserved! I have been working so hard of late; well let me rephrase that, as all I seem to do is work hard. I left my previous job some 5 years ago as it was highly stressful and thought that my then new work place would be a little easier on the stress levels but alas its been quite the opposite.

I never in a million years thought that I would have to and be expected to work so hard and for such long hours and be paid a base salary. Its also extremely depressing when your work colleagues get pay rises and I am the one doing their job plus my own and have had a 50 cent pay rise in 5 years. Its sad and its unfair but I know that one day karma is going to bite my bosses in the arse and they are going to realise how good I am at my job, how dedicated I am and how hard I work.

What upsets me is that I don’t understand why I’m being treated this way. I question myself daily and part of me tells myself to sabotage myself and my work ethic, put the brakes on and take my time doing an average job, and see what happens but I can’t do it. Don’t think I haven’t asked for a pay rise because I have and I get the “we will see” comment or the beauty “we cant afford you on the pay that you are on now” HA! So laughable.

Last week one of my work colleagues told me she was given a pay rise and I almost burst into tears out of sheer frustration and disappointment. Don’t get me wrong Caitlyn deserves it as she works hard but its not fair.

I want to leave my current work place and start afresh somewhere new but when I weigh it all up it makes better sense that I stay where I am and wait it out. The Husband is always telling me to go back to my previous employer who is constantly asking me to come back. Part of me wants to go back but I have always been a firm believer that you should never look back.

So what do I do? Do I try and sit the head honchos down and discuss my sadness, frustration, disappointment, and anger with them? Do I try and get my point across and make them see that they have a hard diligent competent worker who is getting itchy fit and cabin fever and wants to leave?

I’m stuck in a rut here and I really don’t know what to do.

DH

xoxo

A film called "Beautiful Kate"...

Have you ever watched a film and by the end of it you are left feeling like “What the hell was that all about?” Well I just experienced that. I watched an Australian movie called Beautiful Kate.

The movie was shot in the amazing Flinders Rangers in South Australia. I imagine that people who haven’t been to Australia before think that all of Australia looks like this. It’s the typical Australian Outback but truly a breathtakingly beautiful part of this amazing country.

Before I go into the movie I have to say that this movie is a little on the eclectic side and you would need an acquired taste to fully understand and appreciate it as it is either going to shock the pants off you, and disgust you, or it’s going to entice and enthral you.

The main character is Ned who is a successful author who had moved to the city. He is asked to return back to his fathers homestead by his sister Sally. The homestead is as remote and isolated and away from the world. Imagine it being stuck literally in the middle of nowhere. Sally has basically asked Ned to come home to say his last goodbyes to his dying father. Ned has no relationship with his father; in fact he loathes the man and blames him for the death or suicide of his older brother. He arrives bringing his very young fiancée Toni with him who has a brutal time adjusting to the harshness and total isolation of the land.

Whilst staying with his father Ned begins to remember his past and the dirty family secrets and things tend to start bubbling to the surface. He starts to remember the dark secrets that he shared with his beautiful twin sister, Kate, when they were children. The film flickers between the present time and the past.

Their mother had passed away years ago and the tyrannical father was left to raise 4 children. I guess he didn’t have the parenting skills to do this on his own when he is also trying to work his land. Ned and his twin sister Kate are extremely naive and innocent in a sense as Kate was always walking around the house topless at the age of about 14. It comes across as she had no idea that was she was doing was inappropriate. There is a sort of real innocence to her.

They show scenes where Ned touches his sister’s breast and then another full on scene where he ejaculated on her (yes you read right). Its clearly incest but, and I’m not making any excuses here, but it was almost like part of them thought that this was wrong but the other part sort of thought it was OK to do. In reality I’m sure we were all taught and will teach and instil in our own children the basic no-no’s like touching your sister up OR having your sister touch you up is not the right thing.

So one evening Ned went out and got drunk. He decides to go for a skinny-dip in the family’s dam when out of the blue his twin sister Kate joins him. What initially was seen as an innocent swim turns out quite the opposite. Kate ended up seducing her drunk brother and then proceeds to initiate and have sex with Ned on the banks of the dam. Ned totally freaks out after the deed was done and starts to feel guilt, shame, disgust and remorse whilst his twin Kate was completely and utterly unperturbed by the whole deal. (I at this point sat screaming at the TV screen – NO!!!!!)

Kate then continues to want more sex with her brother Ned but he was always refusing her advances and telling her NO. Since Ned would do nothing but refuse her sexual advances and avoid being in the same room with her Kate then drags in their older brother Cliff and suggests to their older brother that Ned was making unwanted advances towards her (what a little bitch!) A huge brawl ensues and in walks their father Bruce.

Bruce I think was unsure about what his boys were brawling about but as punishment he tells Ned that he has to take his sister to the local dance. During the dance Kate gets a bit hmmm (just say it the way it is DH) ok she gets horny whilst dancing with her brother. Ned backs off and picks up a local girl at the dance and then cut to a scene of Ned having sex in the back of a car with the local tramp. Its clear that Ned is constantly trying to distance himself from his twin sister as he wants no part in the sick sexual game that Kate so wants. On the way home from the dance Ned discovers his dead sisters body in Cliff, his brother, car and then finds his brother Cliff dead in the shearing shed on the property.

The movie then comes back to the present time. Its revealed that Toni the fiancé discovered that Ned had an “affair” with this twin and she scoots out of town wanting no more with Ned. Eventually Sally his only sibling who is alive reveals that she knew all about the secret Ned was hiding. She reveals that the car accident Cliff and Kate were in had left another huge mystery as the cars clock had stopped at time of impact and no one could figure what had taken Cliff so long to get home from the dance and then commit suicide by hanging himself. It seems that Cliff was also having or committing incest with his young sister and he killed himself after the shame and guilt and realisation of what they had done.

The movie then shows Ned reconciling with his father Bruce and apologising for blaming his father for death suicide of his brother Cliff. He doesn’t tell his father the truth about his twin Kate because Kate was his fathers favourite.

I was gob smacked by the time the film had finished. It was a movie filled with one twist and then as soon as you came to grips with that twist another was thrown in to totally blow your socks off. It was an intense film that touched the unspeakable that being incest and it showed the instability of a young girl who really had some serious psychological issues.

I loved this film and I would love to see it again!

DH

xoxo

Facebook Cull – To delete or not to delete?

I’ve been a Facebook junkie for a few years now and along the way have reconnected with old friends, found family members who have relocated overseas, caught up with my current group of friends and work colleagues.

I used to love catching up with everyone’s news. Seeing their photos, laughing at their funny statuses yet at the same time I have sort of been left feeling that I am snooping in their person lives. Why do we tend to tell the world so much? Why do we Facebook everything? I also feel that Facebook has become a page where everyone tends to brag about things that they have purchased? Its weird to me. I tend to have more friends write on my Facebook wall to say hi rather than ringing me up and saying HI. Is this what the world has come to? A life of no longer communicating using the telephone or meeting up with a friend face to face.

I’ve noticed lately that a lot of these “friends” tend to come across so negative and so bitter and it’s bringing me down severely. What have we come to where the only thing that we “report” on is something negative, bad and miserable?

Then there are the other friends who feel the need to comment on everything that you have to state and have to better you. For example I would say something like “So freezing and windy in Melbourne” and the said type of people have to bigger themselves and better you by replying with “Well not as cold as it is in Ballarat, you need to move to where I live to really say you are cold” I know its petty what I am describing but it gets so tiresome as it’s the same bullshit over and over again. Then I am made to feel like what I have to say is pointless to you.

Then there is the type of situation where one might say “Geez I feel so sick this cold is killing me” and the response is “Well I’m so sick I had to have a week off work” I want to scream “Did I ask you? This is about ME not about YOU! Facebook freaks have become so self absorbed and so narcissistic and I’m over it.

It also seems, well it’s blatantly obvious that I have a Facebook stalker. We shall call her Mary. Everything I say or do she has to comment, she has to compete and be better than me when I mention something and if I post a photo then within hours she too posts a similar photo.

A usual occurrence in The Dishevelled Happiness household is I will write something on Facebook and within minutes The Husband will look over at me and mention that my serial stalker pest Mary has replied to my post and focused it all on her. It infuriates The Husband so much that he gets very vocal about it and he sometimes goes onto my Facebook page and deletes her reply immediately. I always tell The Husband to just ignore her and it will hopefully go away but it actually never does!

I’m starting to feel that Mary is a tad obsessed with my life and me and she is harmless but it’s becoming very annoying and I want to cull her and a few other people but its finding the courage to do so I guess.

Once upon a time everyone was upbeat and happy on Facebook but now everyone just seems to be boring, negative, abusive and dull. Here I was thinking that I was the only one thinking like this and maybe I was over analysing things but funnily enough a few of my other friends, family and co-workers have all said the exact same thing.

I really want to pluck the courage and start culling these people but at the same time I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I am usually very upfront and matter of fact about things yet I’m feeling gutless about actually doing this. So I guess I am being a hypocrite about the whole thing.

So I’m left pondering to delete or not to delete?

DH

xoxo

Such is Life the Ben Cousins Story.

Ben Cousins is a footballer who plays in the AFL. I am not a fan of his, I don’t know much about him and all I could really tell you about him is the fact that he has been on our news constantly, and constantly being slammed for being an elite athlete who has had a very public battle with drug addiction. There has been a lot of hype in Melbourne of late with a documentary that Ben made about himself and his addiction.

The Husband flatly refused to watch it and told me that he despised this man and could not bring himself to watch it. It didn’t interest him whatsoever. I, on the other hand was curious. I wanted to see what this was all about and I am a fan of anything “reality”. I like to see “real” things about “real people”.

The documentary was screened in 2 parts. So I initially watched Part 1 and my judgments were based solely on watching that. I wrote a very long blog entry initially slamming Ben Cousins and basing my opinion on that alone. This afternoon though I watched Part 2 or the conclusion and my entire opinion of him and this documentary has changed.

So here we go, I went into watching this documentary with the only information being that Ben was a well-known footballer and that he was and in a sense always will be a drug addict. I wanted to see how dyslexic his situation was. When I say dyslexic I mean it as in an athlete being a drug addict is sort of contradictory. I know that there are many athletes who take all sorts of drugs from the recreational to the pharmaceutical to performance enhancing drugs but they (not to my knowledge) haven’t exactly come out and said that they are addicts.

My observation was that here was an elite athlete, with an amazing body, who was supposedly a great footballer who took and abused drugs yet still played the game and played it well. It was clear that his drug taking and addiction did not interfere with his job. His job being football.

Part 1 left me feeling surprised and saddened. What surprised me the most was the fact that Ben really showed no real remorse. In fact our media seem to be reporting this exact same thing as their headline news. Where was the remorse? He also came across rather arrogant, self-obsessed and self-absorbed. I was left feeling as if his attitude was “This is my story and I make no apologies”. I saw no real substance in making this documentary. It was just Ben Cousins telling us the viewer his story.

It then showed Ben doing his drugs and twitching spasmodically (which was awful to see) yet he, Ben, came across very nonchalant about the whole thing. I sadly felt no attachment to him and I tried ever so hard to warm towards him, to sympathize, to try and feel and understand what had made him become addicted and I tried to work out what drove his addiction but sadly all I could see coming back from the TV was a smug young man who told his story whilst smirking at the camera, like this was all some wonderful silly little joke that he was letting us in on!

It was almost like he was subliminally suggesting that you too could do drugs, be an athlete and get away with it. Maybe Ben believes that this attitude is OK and each to his own but is that a good message to be putting out there? Let’s think about this a little bit. Lets just say I had a son who idolized Ben Cousins and he watched this documentary the message my son would have gotten would have been – “Do drugs because it makes you cool and just don’t take them the day before or on the day of a game and you will be fine, look at me I got away with it”

Now I could be wrong about how I have interpreted Ben and I tried to take on a different perspective or angle but I couldn't make excuses for something that appeared so clear on the TV screen. He was almost blatantly showing off his drug addiction and the fact that he believes he got away with it. The reality though is that he didn't get away with it because constantly being harassed and stalked by the media and being fired from one football club and being suspended from the league for 12 months is not exactly getting away with it, now is it?

The documentary was approved and OK’d by Ben Cousins yet it almost viewed as if some tabloid type of producer had put it together and wanted to paint a negative picture of this athlete. That’s what was so weird about it. There was not one real “positive” message in it whatsoever. If they were to make a documentary about you and your life would there not be anything “good” about you in it?

The doco was very revealing as it showed Ben smoking amphetamines out of a crack pipe, snorting massive amounts of cocaine, and it sort of left me feeling uncomfortable if I may be honest. I thought it was too "in your face" for national TV. Maybe I was naive and thought that it would not be as graphic and revealing as it was. Maybe this was done deliberately to shock and entice the viewer?

I understand that drug addiction is a selfish act and from what I understand when an addict is injecting/smoking/snorting/taking a drug they aren’t thinking about their families they are one path and that path is to get high, get their fix, feel numb whatever, its all about THEM. I understand that drug addiction has a lot to do with numbing or forgetting your demons but I am left questioning what sort of demons this young man could possibly have. His family when interviewed seemed like such a beautiful, supportive, loving people who genuinely cared and loved their son and brother. It seems like this young man had copious amount of money thrown at him at a very young age, had beautiful girls hanging around vying for his attention, had fast cars, basically all that money could buy him, all the material possessions one would want. So why did he chase drugs? Why did he jeopardize his career, livelihood and life and everything else for drugs? I don't get it!

Then after watching Part 2 everything changed for me. I initially went into this part feeling anger towards him, hating him and feeling negative. Part 2 though had more heart, feelings and substance behind it. It spoke more to his family and we got to hear what they as a family were going through. The struggles, the issues, and the problems they had with their son. You see I initially thought that Ben was setting himself up for MORE negative press, more hate and more barrage from the media and this documentary was going to be what truly ruined his career and his reputation for life. I thought he was a fool who thought that any publicity was good publicity but just make sure you spell my name right attitude!

What I saw was a vulnerable little boy (even though I believe he is a 30 year old man) who came across as an arrogant shit but strip away the barriers and he was and is just like you and me. An everyday person who is fighting his demons albeit fighting them publicly. This little boy has a massive cross to bear and sadly its been done in the public eye. I actually shed a tear for him. It made me realize that he had everything money could buy yet something inside his head just wasn’t right. He turned to drugs to numb the demons.

I sincerely worry about him. He may have shaken the drugs off but once you become an addict to anything you always will be an addict. You may not be using drugs, you may be clean but the urge will always be there and that is his daily battle. I honestly believe that he is now a “Clean Addict” but an addict he is if that make any sense.

I hope to God that he finds the inner peace that he so needs and I hope from the bottom of my heart that one day and one day soon he is happy within.

DH

xoxo

I’m a Health Hazard!

I don’t know what came over me this morning but after dropping the husband off at the train station I raced back home so I could get ready for work. I put the TV on MTV and I started dancing around like a maniac whilst getting ready for work. Picture Tom Cruise in that renowned Risky Business scene when he slides across the hallway in his underwear singing into his microphone and dancing. Well that was me this morning in my bra and panties and socks.

As I thrashed around the hallway engulfed in a ball of happiness and a bundle of energy I was in total and utter bliss and feeling crazy happy. I then walked into my bathroom where I raised my arms up and then crack I was frozen in that position. I thought “Oh dear I can’t move, I’m home alone and I physically cannot call anyone to come and help me.”

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror staring at my reflection and trying to think fast on my feet. I had to turn my entire body around and look around my bathroom to try and work out how and where I could sit down. I slowly took tiny steps towards the end of the bathtub and ever so slowly sat my body down on it.

It was so cold this morning and our home was like an iceblock so after I had rested for a few moments I slowly walked towards our heating panel and with my nose slid the on button and then walked into our living room area and sat myself down. Within a few minutes, but what really felt like an eternity, I started to get movement back in my arms and they slowly lowered them.

I eventually, but ever so slowly, got dressed and headed to work. How I drove to work with the stiffest neck and shoulders without crashing my car is a divine miracle! I slowly lifted my body out of the car and sat wincing in pain for the first few hours of my workday. Thankfully it was a quiet day and I must admit I spent the majority of my day in a seated position not doing any work. I thought if the bosses catch me I really couldn’t give a wank because my pain was that overbearing and all consuming.

To make matters worse I had an appointment with my dentist. Visiting the dentist usually doesn’t phase me I’m fearless and I can usually tolerate her hissing drill but I thought “DH, how the hell are you going to get back into your car drive for an hour and get to the dentist in one piece and without causing a possible massive car accident?” I got into the car and drove ever so carefully and slowly and literally having to turn my entire body from the waist to look over my shoulder.

I made it in one piece to the dentist and then when she sat me back down in the chair I accidentally let out the loudest groan you could think of. The lovely dentist asked me whether we should reschedule for another time but I was insistent that she finish my root canal.

So here I am lying in a dental chair in sheer neck and shoulder agony, I have a piece of rubber shoved on my face and cant swallow properly, cant speak, and the lovely Dr Julia tells me “DH we have a problem with your root canal, it seems that you have an extra canal hence why you have been experiencing so much grief with this tooth” As soon as I got that bit of exciting news I was ready to rip off this rubber thing that was on my face, tear the paper bib off, throw my sunglasses and hobble out whilst throwing a tantrum! Instead I tried to speak which had me choking on my own saliva, and then having a coughing fit, which in turn jarred my neck and shoulder region!

When I was eventually freed from the dental chair I hobbled into the dentists bathroom and wiped away my tears of frustration, pain and anger. I was in so much pain that it literally consumed me. I collected myself and went on my merry way and got back to my work desk where I literally sat there in a zombified state and counting the minutes until I could go home and rest.

My entire day had me asking myself why on earth I did such a stupid thing by dancing around like a freak first thing in the morning! You would think that being happy and jovial in the morning would not turn out to be such a health hazard!

Anyway’s I’m home now and relaxing! Tomorrow is another day and I can assure you I won’t be waking up and dancing and singing straight up! I might give it a few hours and then let it rip! LOL!!

DH

xoxo