I’ve mentioned The Husband in a few blog entries and I know you must all want to vomit as I go on and on and on about how much I love him, yeah its sickening I know but for me marrying my husband was the best thing and decision I have ever made in my 40 years of life!
Its funny though that me meeting him and marrying him so quickly and so soon into our relationship has caused so much havoc and chaos to my so called friends. I think about this a lot and I know that it subconsciously eats at me.
Let me explain without going into it too much but the lead up to my wedding day saw me losing a few friends along the way. At the time I kept telling myself that my friendships with these people was, like the saying goes: “For a reason, a season or a lifetime” But now 2 years after the fact I’m left scratching my head as to why my happiness made me lose my friends.
The Husband is a wonderful human being and all my family tell me how lucky I am to have nabbed such an amazing human being. The husband is no angel, and not perfect by all means. The reality is that no one, not one of us is perfect and angelic. No one! But he is what I classify as a “good guy”. The Husband makes me so happy, he makes me feel alive and there is no better feeling than marrying your best friend who knows absolutely everything about you. For the first time ever I am in a real relationship.
We have our ups and we have our downs but we communicate about everything! And when I say everything I mean everything! We understand one another and we are on the same life path. We are headed on the same direction and want the same things out of life.
Lately though I have been thinking about my dear friend Adelaide. Adelaide and I had been friends for 20 years. We had run muck together, we had partied hard together, we had done so many crazy and fun things together and I remember being so excited going out for coffee with her to tell her that I had finally met my soul mate. We were sitting outdoors at a local cafeteria sipping our coffee and deep down she knew I had something to tell her and I think she knew that I had massive news to tell her and it was about meeting a man.
I remember leaning over to touch her arm to tell her that I was madly and utterly and totally in love with a man and I distinctly remember her jolting at my touch and sort of pulling herself back from me. Let me add that yes I am one of those touchy feely people who tend to touch people, not inappropriately, but I tend to touch people to show my affection towards them. I am not a sexual pervert and I do not inappropriately touch people, but I have always touched people on their arm when I am speaking, or to show comfort, or to show affection. I have tried to not do it but I honestly think it’s my genetic makeup as I have always done it and it’s hard to stop myself. I am the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve and shows the world how I am feeling. I think also that by touching someone when talking is me showing him or her that I care about them and I sympathise and care for them.
Back to what I was talking about, I have always touched Adelaide, as I said I had known her for 20 odd years and for the first time in 20 years she flinched when I touched her arm. I was startled at her reaction and felt my face flush out of sheer embarrassment as her actions made me feel like I had overstepped the mark or done something awful and invasive! I realised though that it was her defence mechanism taking over, as she didn’t like what I had just told her and boy I wasn’t wrong!
So off I opened my mouth and told her what had happened and that The Husband was going to be moving in with me. Her response was: “umm well I guess I’m happy for you” Yes that’s precisely what she said to me. That was it! No how did you meet him, how old he is all the normal questions two best friends ask one another. Nothing!
I sat there just staring at her and blinking my eyes in utter disbelief! I am not a quiet little mouse usually I usually roar like a lion and say what I think but I just knew then and there that this was probably going to be one of the last times I would ever see or speak to Adelaide. Our coffee outing was soon dissolved as Adelaide said that she had to run. I stood up and hugged her goodbye and she flinched and stiffened up yet again (and we ALWAYS hugged and kissed one another hello and goodbye for 20 years) and watched my best friend walk away. She didn’t even turn around. She held her back straight, shoulders back and almost ran down the street.
Once The Husband had moved in and settled I wanted her to meet him. I knew our friendship was over but I thought I just had to give it one more try. You can’t just let a friendship die in the arse like that and do nothing about it. It took me a good 5 months to finally coax her into coming over for dinner. Countless emails, phone calls, text messages and even going into her workplace to invite her over. I felt like I was stalking her but I didn’t want a man whom she had never met ruin our friendship. I will give her credit she did come over stayed for dinner only and again almost ran out of my home. I think she thought that if she didn’t come over I would continue to stalk her!
I remember that I closed the door and said to The Husband: ‘That is it! I have tried and tried and tried with her and she only stays for an hour and then runs out of here?” The Husband tried everything and he constantly encouraged me to get in touch with her and I listened to him but sadly she dodged me.
I sent her a wedding invite and she was one of the last people to RSVP. She finally accepted only to have us pay a shitload of money for her to attend and then she had the audacity to not even show up. I remember looking for her during our church service and half way through being married I realised that Adelaide and I no longer had a friendship and this man standing in front of me sharing the altar was my only true friend.
I’ve bumped into her a few times in the local shopping mall and down the street and she will only speak to me if I approach her or greet her first and she holds a sheer look of dread on her face when she sees me. Our eyes have met across a crowded supermarket and I know she has seen me yet she turns her face away!
I’m over trying with her and I’m over being the instigator of trying to have a friendship. I don’t know what I have done wrong that has her avoiding me but my attitude is that if I have done something and you don’t tell me what I have done wrong then how am I to know what you are cross about.
If you ever read this Adelaide and you work out that I am talking about you all I have to say to you is that I am sorry that we are no longer friends but at the end of the day if you think back to our friendship I was always the one that invited you out, I was always the one who invited you into my home you never ever, ever reciprocated and I hope that one day you remember me and remember that I was a good friend to you!
What’s really sad is that some of our mutual friends have all told me that she will die an old and lonely woman and as much as I agree with that statement I also cringe as deep down she was once upon a time my dearest of dearest friends.
I have more so-called friends like Adelaide who have dumped me all because I got married and I guess the same thing applies to them. My happiness equals your misery!
DH
xoxo
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